Shukumei
by Midnight Insomniac
Summary: Their thread of fate always leads them in circles.
1. Beginnings

**A/N: I have four tests coming up in the next two weeks. So naturally I write instead of studying.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

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Neji is a cheerful 5 year-old. Quiet, industrious, and with keenly observant bright moon eyes, he is an intelligent and polite child. Every Saturday afternoon he accompanies his father to the local public library, eager to read the latest volumes of his favorite manga, _Naruto_ , while his father finishes his work.

 _Naruto_ is about a young boy whose dream is to become Hokage, the title bestowed on the most revered ninja in the village of Konoha. Though the protagonist, Naruto Uzumaki, is a boisterous, loud-mouthed blonde, Neji finds he identifies well with the young boy. Like Naruto, he believes he too is destined for greatness.

Today is a particularly blustery, gloomy February day. Neji's cheeks sting from the cold, but the warmth of his father's large, sturdy hand wrapped around his own small, gloved one pacifies any complaints. As soon as they enter the library, however, Neji hurries to tug his hand free, preparing to race to the manga section, but his father stops him with a firm grip on his shoulder. Hizashi kneels down so that he is eye level with his son. "Be good. I'm on the second floor in my usual spot if you need me." Neji nods and grins when Hizashi places a quick kiss on his forehead. His father ruffles his hair before he turns to ascend the staircase.

The manga section is located in a small back corner on the first floor, neighbored by bookshelves on Japanese history and Chinese martial arts manuals. It is rarely crowded, and most Saturday's Neji has the luxury of enjoying the entire selection to himself. Today Neji quickly weaves his way through the aisles of bookshelves, pulling his gloves off and stuffing them in the pocket of his navy blue coat as he goes. But as he approaches the corner, he catches sight of a young girl in a baby pink blouse and dark jeans. She is curled up in his favorite lime green armchair, her bright yellow coat, purple mittens, and knitted panda hat carelessly dumped in a pile on the floor. His eyes narrow as he realizes she is reading the latest _Naruto_ volume. Neji ducks behind a shelf on medieval weapon history and chews his lip as he contemplates how best to approach her. Social interactions with strangers make him anxious, and his stomach fills with dread at the prospect of having to ask her if he may read the manga after she's finished. He briefly entertains the thought of just waiting until she places the manga back on the shelf, but dismisses the idea out of fear of the prospect of her deciding to take the volume home before he has the chance to read it.

If she does decide to borrow it, he could just wait the two weeks until it is due back, he thinks, anxiety seizing him with full force now. But Neji is five and he does not yet have the patience to wait so long. Should he get his father to ask? No, his father would encourage him to solve this problem on his own. His shoulders slump as he reaches the inevitable conclusion that he will have to talk to the girl or risk going home disappointed.

Slowly he works up the courage and shuffles out from behind the shelf. He picks at the buttons on his coat as he approaches the girl. To his dismay, she does not notice his presence until he is standing directly in front of her and quietly clearing his throat to get her attention. Neji waits until the fog clears from her eyes, and she returns from the streets of Konoha back to the reality of the lime green armchair and their boring suburban life.

"E-Excuse me, could I read that after you?" Neji whispers, careful not to attract the attention of the librarian rearranging some books nearby. He is startled when the young girl's serious expression suddenly splits into a cheery grin that lights up her large brown eyes.

"Sure!" she replies, shifting her body into a more comfortable position in the chair. Neji exhales a quiet sigh of relief and gives her a smile in return.

"Thanks." He turns to settle on the couch a few feet away, but something about the way she smiled at him keeps him rooted to the spot. She glances up at him and cocks her head to the side.

"I-I'm Neji," he tells her. The words tumble out of his mouth of their own accord, and anxiety bubbles in his stomach again. But the young girl simply smiles.

"I'm Tenten. Nice to meet you!" Neji nods, feeling his ears burn, and moves to settle on the couch. The image of her brown orbs remains at the forefront of his mind. Though he has never seen his mother's eyes, something in him tells him they were kind and warm like Tenten's. Comforted by this thought, he watches her secretly, and decides that he doesn't mind her presence.

He spends the next fifteen minutes observing the snow covered courtyard and thinking of his mother. His father sometimes shares stories about her before tucking him in for bed. He knows his mother died soon after he was born, but his father always reassures him that the dead never truly leave their loved ones behind. His mother is still here, watching over him. He wonders if it was she who had held him in place and pushed him to introduce himself to the bun-haired girl. He wonders if she is sitting with him now, here on the couch, with her hand on his shoulder. He imagines her hands would feel like his father's, only softer and more petite.

Tenten interrupts his thoughts with a gentle tap on his shoulder. She is bundled in her hat and coat now, and her purple mittens are enclosed around the _Naruto_ volume. "Here," she hands it to him with a grin. "It's really good, but I won't spoil it for you," she teases with a wink. "Maybe we'll see each other here again."

Neji nods, "Yes. Maybe. Thanks again." She waves and then disappears in the maze of bookshelves.

Neji licks his lips in excitement as he moves to occupy the now vacant lime green chair. He studiously pours over each panel for the next twenty minutes. The volume concludes in Naruto finally graduating from the Academy and meeting his team for the first time. Neji's thoughts wander to Tenten again. They'd get along much better than Naruto does with his new teammates, he thinks.

His father comes to collect him as he is placing the manga back on the shelf. Hizashi helps Neji back into his coat and then scoops him up into his arms. Neji pouts. "I can walk," he protests, although he has already wound his arms around his father's neck.

"You're growing up too fast. Let me have this, at least."Neji rolls his eyes with an epic amount of sass and arrogance for a five-year old. Hizashi only laughs again.

Neji doses off in the car on the way home, dreaming of he and Tenten in Konoha.

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 **A/N: More chapters to come! Thank you for reading and please review!**

 **~M.I.**


	2. People Like Her

**A/N:**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

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Hizashi dies in a car accident one year after Neji and Tenten meet. At his father's funeral, Neji decides he will never go to the places he and Hizashi had always gone together. He won't go to the only ice cream shop in town that serves his favorite flavor, he won't go to the pancake house that Hizashi would always take him to when he did well in school, he won't go to the park and sit by the pond to count birds like he and Hizashi had done on summer mornings, and he most certainly will never step foot in the library, where Hizashi's ghost likely still haunts his favorite nook on the second floor.

Neji manages to avoid the library for six months after Hizashi's death. It is the longest he has ever gone between visits. But this week he needs a book for school and so he reluctantly breaks his vow. His leg bounces nervously in the car for the entire twenty minutes it takes to reach the library from his uncle's home. He remembers his father's words on how the dead never leave those they love, and Neji wonders if he will catch a glimpse of Hizashi's ghost walking among the bookshelves. His father loved to read, and the library would be a fitting final resting place.

As his uncle puts the car in park and pulls the key out of the ignition, Neji wipes his clammy palms on his jeans and puts on his gloves. His uncle has been very kind to him, and once all the paperwork has been settled, Hiashi will be his legal guardian. He likes the quiet company of his cousin Hinata too, and having her around is a welcome distraction from the loneliness he feels. But still, as Neji interlaces his gloved fingers with those of his uncle's, he feels no warmth.

The library is exactly the same as when he had last visited it, an observation that surprises Neji. So much has changed in his own life that it is hard to wrap his mind around how the rest of the world has remained apathetically static in the face of his father's death.

"I have to attend a phone call. Go get your book. I'll wait here," his uncle tells him as they enter, patting his head gently. The anxiety of having to speak to a librarian makes him sick, but he nods and slowly makes his way to the information desk. A flash of yellow quickly reaches the desk before him and it takes a moment for him to recognize Tenten. She stands on her tiptoes so that the librarian at the desk can see her, and asks about a title scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. She is wearing her usual purple mittens and panda hat, and the cheery yellow coat that Neji now finds inappropriately peppy. How can she stand to wear a color like that, when life is so sad and bleak, Neji wonders. The librarian points to a row of bookshelves to the right and Tenten gives her an enthusiastic "thank you" before turning on her heel. She stops at the sight of him.

"Neji!" she calls as loudly as she can without getting in trouble. She waves at him animatedly with her purple mittens. He waves back half-heartedly. She bounds over to him and surprises him with a hug. "I haven't seen you here in a long time! I thought you moved away or something! Have you read the latest _Naruto_ volume? I think you'll really like it!"

 _Naruto_ is the furthest thing from his mind right now. It is a silly story, he decides. Naruto Uzumaki is an idiot who will never be Hokage. He lacks the serious countenance it would require to take on such an important role. Besides, how can Naruto remain so happy when both of his parents are gone and his whole world is filled with death?

Neji gently pushes his way out of Tenten's embrace. "I'm in a hurry," he explains. The way Tenten's brown eyes dim at his dismissal makes him regret getting out of bed that morning. He's hurt her and she'll leave him too, he thinks, digging his nails into his palm to keep his tears at bay. Why does everyone he cares about always leave him? His mother had only stuck around a few months after his birth, his father only a few years longer. He should just stop trying to get close to people, he resolves bitterly.

"I have to go ask about a book," he tells her in an almost inaudibly low tone, giving Tenten a small, sad smile. Tenten's eyes narrow as he walks past her, and she grabs his hand before he is out of her reach. The warmth of her hand reminds him so much of his father, and the way her eyes watch him with concern and kindness is like how he'd always imagined his mother would look at him if he were hurt. The tears start to slide freely down his cheeks.

"What happened?" she asks, reaching to brush them away. Neji doesn't know what compels him to tell her. It is the same sensation he had when he met her the first time and impulsively told her his name.

"My father died," he admits, his nails leaving crescent shaped dents in his palms as he tries to control himself. Tenten's brown eyes widen and she is silent as she watches him cry. After a moment, she wraps her arms around him and presses her cheek to his. Neji's uncle is not nearly as overtly affectionate as his father had been, and Neji has missed being held. He buries his face in Tenten's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Neji," she says after a moment, squeezing his shoulders. "I don't have a dad either." Her lips twist in a bittersweet smile. Neji doesn't know how or if he should comfort her, so he only nods. The sound of Hiashi's laugh reminds him that he needs to hurry before his uncle sees him crying. He glances over his shoulder, relieved that his uncle is facing the window. He wipes his face quickly and tries to give Tenten the most convincing smile he can muster.

She isn't fooled and Neji nervously picks at his coat buttons. "It's ok to be sad, Neji," she assures him, placing her hand over his before he manages to pull out a button. "Now, do you need help finding a book? I can ask the librarian for you," she offers. Neji's heart swells with gratitude and he fishes around in his pocket to find the paper where he's written the title. Tenten takes the paper with a smile and returns to the information desk. They hunt for the book together and Neji feels a little less lonely.

"Wait here," Tenten instructs after he declares that he's found it. He blinks at her request, but complies. When Tenten returns she is carrying the latest _Naruto_ volume. "Read it at home," she tells him, pressing it into his hand. "It'll make you feel better."

Neji gives her a small, shy smile as his cheeks redden. "Thank you."

Tenten waves her hand dismissively. "I need to go find my book now, but you know where to find me if you need me." She winks and gives him another hug before heading off.

Neji returns to the lobby and breathes a sigh of relief when he spots his uncle still on the phone. On the way home he thinks of Tenten and her purple mittens and the warmth of her hands.

He thinks he understands how Naruto is still able to be happy even in a world full of death: it is because of people like her.

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 **A/N: Thank you for reading and please review!**

 **~M.I.**


	3. Teammates

**A/N:**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

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Neji transfers to Tenten's school a few months later out of convenience for his uncle. When his uncle gives him the news at dinner one night, Neji's stomach twists until he is queasy, and he pushes his food around in his plate until Hiashi allows him to excuse himself from the table. Hinata tries to give him an empathetic smile as he dumps the remnants of his dinner into the trash and puts his plate in the sink, but Neji is too distressed and angry to appreciate the gesture, and merely brushes past her.

He lies in bed that night ruminating about all the possible ways he can, and probably will, embarrass himself in front of his new classmates. Though Neji is kind and polite, he has very poor social skills. Try as he might, friends have never come easily to him. At his old school he would sometimes play with the other children, but he would mostly spend time alone either walking laps around the playground or reading a book in the shade. His teachers had been accepting of his quiet nature and the other children had never tormented him for it, and as he fists his hands in his sheets, he prays to kami that the people at his new school will be just as kind. After he's exhausted himself with worry, Neji finally rolls over onto his stomach, presses his face into his pillow, and cries. His father would always let him sleep in his bed whenever he was nervous, but his uncle is not like his father, despite being Hizashi's identical twin.

On the morning of his first day, Neji's hands shake as he buttons his shirt and smoothens his collar. He assesses himself in the mirror, trying on a smile, but feeling silly and quickly rearranging his features back into an anxious frown. In the car he silently mouths what he'll say when he is asked to introduce himself to the class, but digs his nails into his palms in frustration when he keeps stumbling on his words. He stops rehearsing when Hinata notices and tries to give him a reassuring smile.

His uncle drops them both at the front entrance, and it takes a minute for Neji to realize that Hiashi is not planning to walk with him to his new classroom. Anxiety grips him tightly as he takes his backpack and lunchbox from the trunk, waves goodbye, and follows Hinata into the building. Hinata points him in the direction of the principal's office and gives his hand a quick squeeze of encouragement before she heads off to her own classroom.

The secretary in the principal's office instructs him to take a seat while she helps another student. Neji stares at his shoes and tries not to think how different this morning would be if his father were still alive. Today is going to be horrible, he predicts, and he already knows he will hate being at this school. As he sulks and digs his toe into the carpet, he catches a glimpse of bright yellow out of the corner of his eye. His heart leaps with hope that the yellow is a certain _Naruto_ loving, bun-haired girl.

Sure enough, Tenten comes into view then, and Neji is so relieved he might cry. "Tenten," he calls, waving to get her attention. She glances around in surprise at the sound of his voice, but then her face lights up with a bright grin when she sees him.

"Neji!" She gathers him into her arms for a fierce hug. "Are you starting school here?"

Neji nods and gently wraps his arms around her in return. Her cheeks haven't yet warmed from the cold, but Neji presses his face against hers anyway as his anxiety eases. Tenten sits with him until the secretary asks for his registration packet, and he learns that he and Tenten are in the same class. Tenten hurriedly volunteers to lead him to their classroom, taking his hand in her own and tugging him out of the office. "Don't worry! Everyone is really nice! You'll like it here," she promises. Tenten's enthusiasm is infectious and Neji thinks that this school won't be so bad after all, not as long as Tenten is here at least.

He finds that being Tenten's friend is advantageous. She seems to be well liked among her classmates, and by association, everyone greets him warmly too. The teacher hasn't arrived yet, so he stays close to Tenten and allows her to do all the talking.

Their teacher is a tall dark haired woman named Kurenai Yuhi. After asking Neji to introduce himself to the class, which he manages to do with only a few minor flubs, she assigns him a seat near Tenten and a boy with a bowl haircut and thick eyebrows named Lee. She then instructs them all to arrange their desks in groups of three and gives them a packet of worksheets to complete.

Lee and Tenten seem to be good friends, and Neji can see the similarity in their cheerful demeanor. The three of them work well together, and though Lee proves to be a little irritatingly peppy, Neji finds that he can tolerate it.

At lunch Tenten and Lee invite him to their table, and the three of them race each other around the playground during recess. Neji decides this has been the best day he has had since his father passed away.

At the end of the day, both Lee and Tenten give him a hug before they board the bus together. Neji hooks his thumbs around the straps of his backpack as he sits on a bench outside the main entrance, relieved that his first day has not been a complete disaster. Hinata is surprised when he greets her warmly, but she quickly smiles and takes a seat next to him as they wait for Hizashi to pick them up.

Ten minutes later, Neji sinks into the leather seat of his uncle's car, thoroughly exhausted from all the socializing and anxiety. He wonders if Tenten and Lee ever get tired from being so cheerful all the time. Judging from how fast Lee ran around the playground at recess today, he doubts the boy even sleeps. As he begins to doze off, his thoughts turn to Tenten. The warmth of the car reminds him of the heat of the sun on a hot summer day. As he gives in to drowsiness, he imagines curling up and taking a nap next to Tenten in the shade of the trees near the playground.

He dreams of Konoha tonight, and being on a team with Tenten and Lee, and all the dangerous adventures they embark on together. He dreams of his father and mother waiting up all night for him to return home from his missions. He dreams of never being abandoned again.

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 **A/N: I have written three chapters in the span of 24 hours and I can't stop. Someone please send help.**

 **Thank you for reading and please review!**

 **~M.I.**


	4. Betrayal

**A/N:**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

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Everything changes when Kurenai Yuhi decides to have all the children switch seats. Neji's shoulders tense at the announcement, and he sends an anxious glance towards Tenten and Lee, but neither seems to be perturbed by the prospect of being separated. He swallows nervously when his name is called, and his stomach sinks with dread when he realizes he will be seated all the way across the room from Tenten and Lee. He eyes his new seatmates warily and tries his best to give them a smile. When neither reciprocates, Neji's brows knit with anxiety. He picks at the buttons on his shirt and glances at Tenten. He hopes that she is waiting to meet his eyes and give him a wink from across the room, but she has her back turned to him and is happily chatting away with her new seatmates. She doesn't seem to care at all, he notes, feeling a stab of betrayal. Lee seems equally nonchalant, and Neji is surprised at the bitter anger that wells inside of him. He's been abandoned again, he realizes. His hands fist underneath his desk and he thinks of his father. He hasn't missed Hizashi too much since he started school, but now his absence hits him full force.

When Kurenai instructs them to move their desks to form groups of three, Neji feels frustration and a sense of hopelessness instead of his usual anxiety. He doesn't bother discussing the worksheet with his seatmates; he already knows his input will be ignored and he is tired of feeling rejected. He works alone instead and is the first to finish in the class.

He eats his lunch in a bathroom stall, wiping away hot tears. He tries to remember the feeling of Hizashi's strong, warm hands, and the rough texture of his palms, and the way he would gently cup his face as he placed a kiss on his forehead. He imagines his mother's arms wrapped protectively around his shoulders, and the softness of her cheek pressed against his own. But it is to no avail, and the tears continue to fall.

At recess he sits alone in the shade, uprooting blades of grass. He imagines he is actually sitting along the bank of the pond in the park with his father, waiting for the sun to rise and for the birds to resume their morning activities. He imagines lying curled up next to Hizashi on the couch on Saturday evenings, watching cartoons as his father finishes work. He imagines his old room in the small home he and his father shared, and wishes his uncle hadn't sold it, so he could go there and hide.

He glances up when he notices Tenten's shadow stretch across his hands. She's watching him worriedly as she approaches. She squats next to him, her head cocked to the side. "Are you ok?" she asks, "I can walk you to the nurse's office if you're feeling sick."

Neji pointedly ignores her and continues picking at the grass. He fully expects her to huff and stomp away, but after watching him for another minute, she instead arranges her legs into a cross-legged position and smoothens her skirt over her knees. "Do you want to talk about something?" she presses again.

Neji can feel his anger spike. He has spent the entire day being ignored, and now she finally remembers he exists. A small part of him urges him to be reasonable and acknowledge that Tenten and Lee hadn't meant any harm, but Neji quashes the logic. He's too nice and too forgiving, he decides. He has always been kind and polite to everyone, yet no one seems to like him. What is the point of even trying to make friends? He will never have to feel this pain again if he just distances himself from everyone. That way there won't be any chance of him being rejected or abandoned, because he won't have anyone to leave him anyway. He sets his jaw, letting this foreign feeling of raw anger consume him.

"Go away. You're annoying," he bites in the meanest tone he can muster. He doesn't look at her, but he knows that she is stunned by the way her body suddenly tenses next to his. She remains silent, and he is strangely satisfied when he sees her shoulders slump out of the corner of his eye. He hopes he's hurt her. She's the popular kid that everyone likes. She's never felt the pain he has from always being on the outside.

His words hang in the air between them for another minute before she stands and heads back towards the playground. Neji waits ten minutes before sneaking a peek at the other children. His eyes automatically search for Tenten, but his brows knit when he doesn't see her playing with her usual group of friends. She is sitting on the swing set alone, face downcast, kicking the woodchips with her shoes. Guilt settles uncomfortably on his shoulders, and he knows he should apologize, but the image of her turned back from this morning keeps him seated.

He avoids Tenten and Lee for the rest of the day. Lee remains characteristically aloof, but Tenten seems keen on avoiding him as well. When they are allowed half an hour of playtime between the last two lessons of the day, Neji sits in a corner with a book, secretly peering over the top of the page to watch his classmates. Lee is his usual boisterous self, but Tenten remains seated at her desk across the room, coloring alone. He watches Kurenai kneel down next to her and ask if she is okay, but she nods and says something about being tired. Kurenai believes her, Neji doesn't.

At the end of the day, instead of waiting with Tenten and Lee until they board the bus as he has done for the past three months, he watches the two of them from the bench outside the main entrance. Lee is talking animatedly with the other children, but Neji can practically see the gray cloud hovering over Tenten's head.

Before the bus pulls away, his breath catches as Tenten turns her brown eyes on him from her seat by the window. He's ruined their friendship; he can see it in the way her eyes dim when she meets his gaze. His hands fist again. He should have apologized, but it is no use now.

As he lies in bed that night, he consoles himself with the fact that Naruto had been an outcast too. But as he drifts off, he knows deep down that his father and mother are watching him, and they are not proud of his actions today.

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 **A/N: Thank you for reading and please review!**

 **~M.I.**


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